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My Socially Awkward Life

Make A Wish By Pati Robins

So you might have come across this post by accident or maybe I promoted it through our social media channels and you're probably thinking 'Socially Awkward'? What's that got to do with interiors? Well the truth is absolutely nothing! BUT and there is quite a big but I do have a socially awkward life. And I've realised that many of you do too. The truth is I have 3 wonderful sons, one has brown hair, one has red hair and one has blonde hair, brown eyebrows and a ginger beard (bless). All three are dyslexic, two are autistic, one is also diagnosed with OCD and PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). God knows how myself and Tony created so 3 completely different children, we obviously have some pretty crazy genes. (At this point you might be think what a crap parent but please read on before you judge me).

The truth is that I love my boys to bits, they are clever, funny and so loving. I would fight to the end of the earth to help them. And the truth of the matter is that I do and have to most days. In fact it's almost a full time job in itself. You are probably still wondering why I am posting this and I promise I will get to the point as quickly as I can.

I recently sold a set of bedroom furniture to a lovely lady as a present for her daughter. She was so nice and we spent quite a while chatting as you do about all manner of things. Putting the world to rights. Towards the end of the conversation she mentioned that she had very specific delivery instructions. Her daughter suffers from anxiety and can't cope with noise and lots of people. So I made sure the delivery was as quiet as possible for them so that her daughter could have an enjoyable time when the furniture arrived with them. This is just one example of many conversations I've had over the last year or so. And the common theme running through these chats is how alone we feel and that there is no help or support out there for us or our children.

It got me thinking that I really wanted to raise awareness of the subject but I wasn't really brave enough. We all want to be the perfect parent. But it's amazing what happens to you when you carry the label, 'you know, the one with the naughty child'. You actually start to believe that your child is naughty. That you are in fact deluding yourself. That there isn't anything more to this than just naughtiness. And therefore the only reason they are naughty must be because you have done something wrong. Welcome to my socially awkward life.

So one wine fuelled evening brimming with Dutch courage and wearing my brave pants I posted a picture of my boys on Instagram. And told our followers a little about my life with them and the response was off the scale. So many people were in the same position or knew someone in the same position. And everyone was so supportive of one another.

The next day sadly my bravery pants evaporated and I'm embarrassed to say I deleted the post. This wasn't fair to the lovely people who had taken the time to post a comment. And I would like to sincerely apologise to those of you who did. I'm feeling a little braver now. I've realised of late that there are so many parents of autistic or anxious children out there that feel alone and lost in a system that makes no sense and find it hard to navigate just like me.

No one gives a new parent a handbook on how to be a perfect parent and one certainly doesn't exist for parents of children with disabilities. So we tend to hide from the outside world for fear of judgement. As parents of children on the spectrum, we ourselves become socially awkward. BUT I've now come to realise that unless we are all a little more open about it things can never change. Things won't improve. And unless awareness is raised there will be new parents going through the same as I have in years to come. Or even right now. I want to help in some way, however minuscule.

So this is the reason for the Socially Awkward section of our blog. To raise awareness and to share my journey as a parent of autistic children. And if I help just one person then it worked. And if I don't, at least I tried. It's also to celebrate being able to put myself out there again after years of fighting for help for my middle child. And I promise to share more of that soon (read about it here).

For now I just want to say that is you're a parent with a socially awkward life,  if you're struggling with getting a diagnosis. Or can't bear another moment alone in the school playground being whispered about. Or you just feel that today you can't do it please drop me line or comment below. I will always answer and you will at least have the comfort that you are not the only one. With one in every hundred children currently being diagnosed there are thousands of us navigating the Autistic world everyday. Both those on the spectrum and the people that care for them everyday.

For now lets all agree to look out for one another. The next time you see a flustered mom outside Halfords trying to put a screaming bundle of toddler into the car whist dropping her breast enhancing chicken fillets on the floor and kicking them under the car. (this was me by the way) Rather than tut and  make a rude comment about her parenting skills, give her a smile or an offer of help. You never know you might just make her day. Let's not spend our socially awkward life alone. Lets be proud and shout about it x

Keep Calm and be Socially Awkward

13 thoughts on “My Socially Awkward Life”

  • Pati

    Your post made me cry ! Its touching and puts a real "face" to a person behind the brand - making it all personal amd raising awarnes it also reminds us that behind every post , comment or photo there is a real human being - we all need to show a bit more compasion and caring not jump to conclusions and judge people we dont know
    Thank you so much for sharing this -and i hope we be able to follow your jurney with you x

    Reply
    • Newtons Furniture

      Thank you so much for leaving a comment Pati it means so much to me that you took the time to read it and i'm sorry if I made you cry. I'm looking forward to sharing my journey and you never know, maybe other peoples stories too.

      Reply
  • The House of George
    The House of George May 24, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    My middle child who is now 19 is autistic and I've been judged horrendously all his life for my parenting skills, by strangers and even my own family. It's been hell. But everything I've done I did for that boys best interests. Keep doing what your doing lovely and remember you are amazing!!! Xxx

    Reply
    • Newtons Furniture

      Thank you so much for commenting. You sound like one awesome mom! And a mom of three like me. The judging is the worst isn't it? Even from so called professionals! Lets get out there and be proud, no more hiding, no more rolling over and no more listening to people who 'know better' than us but have no idea or experience of our day to day lives. Keep doing what your doing and believe in yourself x

      Reply
  • Carol Hanson

    Rachel - Thanks so much for posting this amazingly brave and honest part of your story. I don't have children (not through choice) but parents that cope with so much just leave me slack jawed with utter respect and shaking my head in disbelief. Thanks for sharing and keep wearing those brave pants! x xx

    Reply
  • Chloè C

    Hello Rachel. I don't have any children yet, much less one who is disabled. But I think ur post was awesome. I really enjoyed reading it and look forward to learning more. Ur boys obviously have a great mum.

    Reply
  • Melissa

    I'm very moved by your post and email. Keep writing and sharing! You're creating an important bridge for all of us.

    Reply
  • Angie G

    Dear Rachel my 3rd child is dyslexic and dyspraxic but not stupid and naughty and the fight I had to have him diagnosed was up hill all the way but I am his only mum and he's my boy and I fought like a Rottweiler for him like any mum. You are incredible and I am so proud of what you are doing, keep your head up, keep smiling and drink more wine to give you brilliant ideas lots of love :)

    Reply
    • Newtons Furniture

      Dear Angie, good for you, you sound like an awesome mom and your son is a very lucky boy. The thing is though.... We shouldn't have to fight should we? And what about the people who can't fight for what's right? Where does it leave them? That's why I started this new journey that I'm on, I don't know where it will take me but the wonderful comments I have received has strengthened my determination to find out. I promise to continue to drink more wine, it's such a hardship hard but I will try my best :-) Keep up the good work and lets all stick together to create an education system that holds its arms wide open to all children. No more round pegs in square holes!

      Reply
  • Teresa

    A fantastic post Rach. You're a brilliant mum and don't ever forget it xx

    Reply
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